Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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