I'm gonna have a badass scar
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
