Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
