I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
