You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
