Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
