I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
