the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
