You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
