Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
