Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
