you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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