There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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