I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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