I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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