I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
