She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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