please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My legs feel like baby dolphins
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
