Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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