if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
he just fucked me for my cheese..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
