hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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