The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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