Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
