That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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