She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
