i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize