you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
