I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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