he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize