there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
