did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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