You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
