lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
