Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
