Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize