3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
