oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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