New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she peed on how many people?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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