The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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