I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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