Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
