Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
