Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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