tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
