he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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