6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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