I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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