Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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