I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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