I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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