have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
