HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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