I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
