My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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