My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
