and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
