Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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