I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
