and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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