His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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