And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
