i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
