I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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