so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
