well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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