guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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