My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
