Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
bring money and cleavage
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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