Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize