3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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